While You Were Offline: #hillarysoqualified Quickly Turns Into #hashtagsohijacked

It’s been a big week for the Internet, as the Associated Press has decided that it doesn’t deserve an upper case I anymore (well, as of June, at least; it’ll be doing the same for “web,” too). WIRED has previously written about this subject, but from a personal standpoint, it still feels like scientists declaring that Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. With that in mind, let’s talk about what you might have missed on the World Wide Web over the last seven days with upper cases foremost in our minds.

What Happened: Calvin Trillin wrote a bad poem that saw print in The New Yorker. Surely you can imagine the rest.Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media think piecesWhat Really Happened: Look, there’s no getting around it: “Have They Run Out of Provinces Yet?” by Calvin Trillin is, at the very least, a pretty bad poem, if not offensively so; attempting to decry food tourism with lines like “Then when Shanghainese got in the loop/We slurped dumplings whose insides were soup” is… unfortunate, to be kind.

So unfortunate, in fact, that plenty of people noticed, vocally so. But if the media elite were unkind, that was nothing compared with Twitter’s response:

O.J? Oy vey. A poem by Calvin Trillin #cjsdelacorte @columbiajourn

— Grete Suarez (@GreteSuarez) March 31, 2016

dear @NewYorker: this calvin trillin poem isn’t only offensive it’s also just… bad. https://t.co/KCAUpQTiKg

— Karissa Chen (@karissachen) April 6, 2016

.@NewYorker This Calvin Trillin poem is a mess, y’all. https://t.co/orwMfA1AeM

— Saeed Jones (@theferocity) April 6, 2016

The inevitable defense, or: “You misinterpret my words / I like Chinese people more than bean curds.” https://t.co/idGfX5Brgp

— Beth Nguyen (@bichminhnguyen) April 7, 2016

Just read that Calvin Trillin poem about Chinese food in the New Yorker. It’s a bad poem. It’s also very much a New Yorker poem.

— The Public Archive (@public_archive) April 7, 2016

The Takeaway: Of course, it was only a matter of time before someone responded in a way that Trillin could doubtlessly appreciate: a poem called “Have They Run Out of White Poets Yet?” (The answer, sadly, is “no.”)

What Happened: The problem with attempting to respond to a hot-button topic with a meme is that it’s so easy to take that meme and start playing with it. Hillary Clinton supporters didn’t quite realize that as they attempted to defend their candidate.Where It Blew Up: TwitterWhat Really Happened: This one requires a little backstory for those not paying attention to the current political debates between Democratic presidential candidates. During an interview on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, Hillary Clinton attempted to dodge a question about whether or not she thought that her opponent Bernie Sanders was qualified to run for President, which itself spun out of a particularly problematic interview with Sanders in which he struggled to articulate how he’d practically achieve his goals.

While Clinton stayed away from directly saying that she didn’t think he was unqualified, the lack of an obvious affirmation of Sanders’ qualifications prompted Sanders to tell a Philadelphia crowd Wednesday night that he most definitely does not think that Clinton is herself qualified.

All of this prompted Clinton supporters to take to Twitter with the hashtag #HillarySoQualified to stick up for their choice:

Dear Bernie #HillarySoQualified she was Sec of State while you named two post offices #feeltheBern #ImWithHer

— Shaun Dakin (@IsCool) April 7, 2016

#HillarySoQualified Bernard Sanders You voted for her to be Secretary of State. @HillaryClinton @TheHRCSuperVols @DebraMessing #ImWithHer

— Nyssa Cruz (@nyssacruz) April 7, 2016

#hillarysoqualified she has 27 current and former cabinet members endorsements @docrocktex26 @joshuafoust

— Sean (@ItsMeSeanNYC) April 7, 2016

#HillarySoQualified she set up coalition for Iran Nuke deal while he can’t understand his own core msg and if it’s even feasible

— OfficialHRCSuperVols (@TheHRCSuperVols) April 7, 2016

#HillarySoQualified She negotiated clean energy sanctions on China.

— Rance Collins (@rancecollins) April 7, 2016

#HillarySoQualified she helped get 8+ million kids and 9/11 first responders healthcare.

— Lireyn (@lireyn2016) April 7, 2016

What able and professional woman hasn’t had a mediocre old white dude with fewer credentials question her abilities? #HillarySoQualified

— MarathonBear (@scott_brawley) April 7, 2016

So far so expected, right? Well, then Sanders supporters decided to usurp the hashtag for their own purposes:

#HillarySoQualified to be a lobbyist. She should probably just do that. #FeelTheBern pic.twitter.com/RHBBr3ri59

— Fortitude (@Fortitude_1) April 7, 2016

#HillarySoQualified to be an arms dealer, speaking of experience. Maybe her next job #FeelTheBern. pic.twitter.com/aeWzpl3p1l

— Fortitude (@Fortitude_1) April 7, 2016

#HillarySoQualifiedHer Supporters can’t contain their enthusiasm pic.twitter.com/nQt0pLZzOF

— Jon Stall (@JonStall2009) April 7, 2016

— Steven Crowder (@scrowder) April 7, 2016

#HillarySoQualified for Islam’s Ambassador to the United States pic.twitter.com/4AhW65Tkm2

— Jared Wyand (@JaredWyand) April 7, 2016

If only there was some way to wrap all of this up in less than 140 characters…

#HillarySoQualified that her supporters make hashtags that end up not really helping her.

— Andrew Jerell Jones (@sluggahjells) April 7, 2016

That’ll do it.The Takeaway: Suddenly, it’s becoming a little less surprising that a recent poll suggested that a quarter of Bernie supporters wouldn’t support Hillary if she won the nomination.

What Happened: In which a poor misguided gentleman—as he would surely describe himself—tried to make his feelings known on a particular subject, and in the process merely created a new meme that exposed his ridiculousness to all.Where It Blew Up: TwitterWhat Really Happened: It all started on Reddit when one particularly virulent example of women-hating from a discussion on that site was shared with the wider world. @Corsucating, if you’d be willing to share with the class…?

of all the awful things i’ve read on the internet, “women are the hitlers of sex” might be my favorite pic.twitter.com/0jgJY4EoYi

— stay at home cat mom (@Coruscating) April 3, 2016

For those who aren’t into reading .jpgs of horrifically stupid people arguing ludicrous, idiotic points, the first comment argues that women are sociopaths that “show NO mercy” to men they think are unattractive; this (fictional) attitude, it’s argued, is “the same type of attitude that Hitler tried to exterminate Jews… women are just as bad as the worst racist of murder[er, sic] in world history.” The second commenter agrees, saying, “This is legit. Women are the hitlers of sex (especially if you count the way they treat unattractive ethnics, like asians and indians).”

Yes, “ethnics.” The language always favored by the enlightened.

But, wait. Let’s rewind to the sentence before that, shall we?

Can someone w/ a good Beeb voice record “women are the hitlers of sex”? I have the beat in mind but need the sample https://t.co/l1fuynM5M9

— Wilhelm Scream (@yoshiofor) April 3, 2016

totally unexpected that a reddit user who proclaims “women are the hitlers of sex” would have a hard time with girls

— hot but crazy (@EllyOcean) April 4, 2016

I just love that someone typed out the sentence “Women are the hitlers of sex,” looked at it, nodded at their sagacity, and hit publish

— Jesse Singal (@jessesingal) April 4, 2016

“women are the hitlers of sex” is my least favorite unreleased Morrissey track

— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) April 4, 2016

Women are the Hitlers of sex, the Maos of cuddling, but, oddly, the LBJs of pillow talk. https://t.co/RNcrbMmmWU

— Mark Filipowich (@thecybersteam) April 4, 2016

LRT…can someone put ‘women are the hitlers of sex’ on a tee please, in comic sans. jesus christ

— stoot (@VasukiStoat) April 4, 2016

Women truly are the Hitlers of sex though. My tits personally annexed Austria last weekend.

— Sarah Brown (@CloveHitched) April 5, 2016

The Takeaway: Let’s, for one second, ignore the absolute wrongness of the concept “women are the Hitlers of sex,” and actually address it full on: Are there other historical world leaders of sex? Is there a Napoleon of sex? A Stalin of sex? Is there a Ronald Reagan of sex? If there is, we demand that the whiny sad boys of the Internet immediately start identifying all of these sexual world figures and show your reasoning for why someone is, say, the King George II of sex, and not the King William IV of sex.

What Happened: Satirical website ClickHole was a little too convincing with its satire of the way the Internet treats celebrities.Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogsWhat Really Happened: A regular feature of ClickHole is a roundup of what celebrities are saying, even though none of the quotes are real (or, to extend the joke, even that interesting). To wit:

Annie Clark said WHAT?! https://t.co/C6gNmce8XM pic.twitter.com/rG3BD4MveH

— ClickHole (@ClickHole) April 6, 2016

The problem is, not everyone gets the joke.

@ClickHole Never said any of those things because I am not the Mad Hatter. Dont know what Click Hole is selling. Leave me out of it, though.

— St. Vincent (@st_vincent) April 6, 2016

No sooner had Annie Clark (aka St. Vincent) tweeted her confusion than her fans descended to share their unhappiness at her gullibility:

— Dylan Matthews (@dylanmatt) April 6, 2016

.@st_vincent Annie, are you okay. Are you okay, Annie

— Zach Schonfeld (@zzzzaaaacccchhh) April 6, 2016

@st_vincent @ClickHole aww cmon annie its the onion

— carl (@caaawl) April 6, 2016

To her credit, Clark quickly admitted her mistake—

No quicker way to seem out of touch than to react earnestly to satire. Whoops. You and me, @ClickHole, we are all good.

— St. Vincent (@st_vincent) April 6, 2016

But that didn’t stop the Internet from acting schaudenfruede-y.

Still, it’s not as if Clark was alone in her gullibility. Let’s just be happy it all ended so well.

So relieved that St Vincent called off her beef with Clickhole. The Kramer vs Kramer of our time

— Alan (@alan_maguire) April 6, 2016

The Takeaway: Everyone else might be acting as if Clark overreacted initially, but have we so soon forgotten that George Clooney recently had to tell the world that an entire interview with him was entirely fabricated? The Internet is, increasingly, an ever more strange and treacherous place for celebrities.

What Happened: However much you might love your dog, I promise you that you don’t love your dog as much as this man.Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogsWhat Really Happened: We were going to start this off by saying, “Well, there’s this game called Skyrim…” but, really, this Twitter screed works amazingly with or without context. Just keep reading.

worst part of Skyrim was when I found that dog whose owner died in a cabin, and then I of course had to adopt the dog bc i’m not a monster