The Definitive Rating of the Best Batmen of All Time Never Even Argue with Us

Oh, Val. At initially glance your Bruce Wayne is a mess: a sandy-haired, wire-rimmed, oily fop. Who did you think you had been, swinging in in your double-breasted go well with to swap our beloved Keaton? But after we got earlier your preternatural smoothness (and, of course, the nipples on your go well with), we understood that the truth was much further. You, Val, are the greatest Batman of all time—you’re just caught in a awful film. Joel Schumacher’s neon-Dada eyesight of Gotham in Batman Eternally is much much more nightmarish than Tim Burton’s miasmic anarchy, and the clunker of a script made you a a person-liner machine you had been hardly ever meant to be. We will not have to have the Riddler to figure out why you still left the go well with powering immediately after this stinker. —Peter Rubin